Support in Adolescence: The Young Person's Voice and the Family's Place

Speaking less, spending more time with friends or thinking differently from the family can have various meanings in adolescence. Rather than interpreting a behaviour on its own, it is more revealing to consider when it began, where it occurs and how it affects the young person's life. The same silence may express a need for rest one day and a difficulty another.

A young person may not always find it easy to name what they are experiencing either. Wanting independence while also needing support does not have to be a contradiction. The purpose of a meeting is not to shape them into what adults want, but to create a space where they can describe their own experience and approach responsibilities in a way that fits their development.

Instead of asking questions in succession, you can calmly share one change you have observed. Saying they seem more tired than before and asking how that feels for them is different from offering a ready-made explanation of why they are behaving that way. If no answer comes, you can remain available without turning every conversation into an interrogation.

When a young person shares something, a solution may not be their first need. Asking ‘Would you like me to listen, or shall we think about options together?’ gives them space to express what would help. The family's anxiety matters too, but every moment in which a young person speaks should not immediately become a moment when they have to soothe an adult's worries.

In counselling, what information the young person will share themselves, what feedback the family will receive and exceptions concerning safety should be explained at the outset. Absolute promises that everything will be passed to the family or that nothing will be shared under any circumstances are inappropriate. Age, legal requirements and individual needs affect the framework of the work.

A parent's role is not limited to learning everything discussed in a meeting. Reviewing communication at home, supporting everyday routines and taking part in necessary cooperation may also be part of the process. Centring the young person's experience does not remove adults' responsibilities for care and safety.

School matters, but viewing a young person's whole life through grades leaves much out. Friendships, interests, rest, their relationship with their body and self-expression also deserve conversation. Asking about something outside school that interests them this week can be a beginning that helps them feel they are more than results to be monitored.

A young person seeking help for themselves may want a trusted adult beside them as they take the first step. This does not have to be someone who knows every detail. If describing the support they want is difficult, they can begin by writing a few words. As a family, you can listen to this wish without interpreting it as causing a problem. Finding out in advance how to make initial contact and which information is needed may reduce some of the uncertainty.

When marked and lasting changes affect sleep, school, friendships or everyday care, asking a professional for an assessment is appropriate. Do not explain a concern about safety simply as adolescence. At the start, hearing what the young person does not want matters as much as hearing what they expect. Seeking support can aim to find a suitable way together, rather than supplying every answer on their behalf.