Small Sources of Support on a Difficult Day After Loss

A date, a song or an ordinary object can bring your loss close again. On a day like this, rather than telling yourself ‘I should be over this by now’, try to notice what has touched you today. If you like, choose a word: longing, emptiness, anger, tiredness. There is room for more than one feeling at a time, too.

You can decide how much you want to share today. Not wanting to talk is not the same as not needing any support. You can also want someone who will sit quietly beside you.

If thinking about getting through the whole day feels too much, look only at the next few hours. Choose a simple meal, an everyday task, a short break for fresh air or somewhere you can rest. These are not meant to take away the pain of loss, but to create small moments in the day when you can care for yourself.

If you have a plan that can wait, a short sentence may be enough to postpone it: ‘Today is difficult for me; could we move this to another day?’ You do not have to give a detailed explanation or appear to be doing well.

If you wish, you could write down a memory, look at a photograph or tell someone you trust something about the person you have lost. If these feel too difficult today, you can leave them. There is no single right balance between remembering and attending to everyday life; you can choose according to what you need that day.

In the evening, instead of asking ‘Did I get through today the right way?’, ask, ‘Who could I ask for support tomorrow, and what kind of support?’ A specific request such as ‘Could you call me?’ or ‘Shall we take a short walk together?’ could be a start. You do not have to wait a particular length of time before wanting to talk about this experience in a session.